Learning from Relapse

In the past I definitely lived my life as a “do as I say, not as I do” kind of guy.  I could give great insight 90% of the time however, most of the time it wasn’t something that I would even follow myself. For example, I would tell someone to identify and/or change a character defect, then I would leave the room and yell at someone else out of anger.  I had a couple years of sobriety, the longest I’d ever had, but I lost it in the blink of an eye. It hit me hard.  I realized that I had become prideful and I stopped working a program of integrity. I had struggled with always wanting to feel ahead of everybody else, to be first in everything.  I felt that I had to be #1. My relapse helped me see that my past recovery had become a farce and that I had become hypocritical to people around me, especially other addicts. Today, I honestly still struggle with this. I still have a lot to learn but I’m trying to stay open and remain teachable.  But my relapse helped me see the areas of hypocrisy in my life and I’m actively working to change it.