Showing humility is a big part of recovery. It is important to show it on a daily basis and to let go of all pride and ego. Humility is keeping an open mind and remaining willing to listen to and follow direction. It is definitely easier said than done but if you can master this, you will be successful in your journey of recovery. If you are unable to remain humble in the process of learning new things, you will eventually lose all peace and serenity. The act of obtaining a sponsor can be humbling as it can be difficult to put faith in one person to direct you down the path of recovery. Being a sponsor to somebody is also a humbling experience as being of service is important to maintaining sobriety. There is always somebody who needs help and there is always something new to learn.
Humility, for me, can be difficult to practice at times especially when first getting clean or when having to listen to someone talk whom I’m not very fond of. I’ve come to understand and adopt, somewhat easily, the humbleness and selflessness that it takes to help others. Even when I’m not in the best state of mind, being there for others helps me reconnect with the progress I’ve made due to the help and support I received at the beginning of my journey in recovery. When I help another addict or alcoholic I like to explain to them that I am not above or better than them but equal, in hopes to change their outlook or perspective they may have on the situation, to strengthen and offer hope. We all have strengths and weaknesses and taking action to finding the balance in life is my idea of being humble.
Humility to me is the loss of one’s pride. I often find humility in thinking of others before myself. Addiction is a selfish disease. It took a lot of humility for me to accept defeat, put my ego aside, and ask for help. Being newly sober, I have often been thinking about the effects my using and drinking has on those whom I love, primarily my son. Throughout the course of my addiction, my behaviors have lead me astray from any relationship with him, but I know that if I remain humble and willing to progress forward in my recovery, I will be able to establish a new and everlasting relationship in time. Maintaining sobriety has been difficult for me in the past, however I now am at an all-time low and have decided to take my recovery seriously. I now find myself engaged and open minded more than ever. I am willing to admit that I do not have all the answers and that I am not in control, God is. Throughout my stay at South Orange County Detox, I have noticed that being of service and supporting other’s that are struggling has given me strength. Although my progress may seem subtle to myself, it has been acknowledged that I am making huge strides towards being able to maintain long term sobriety. I am not perfect and react occasionally off impulse, but it is my awareness that is leading me to make immediate amends when I am in the wrong. I know that if I remain humble and grateful on a daily basis, I will be able to achieve everything this world has to offer.
Humility and active addiction are like oil and water, they do not mix. However, humility is imperative to recovery from addiction. Step one in A.A requires surrender. It requires admitting you are powerless over drugs, that you need direction and don’t know how to live a happy life. If done correctly, it crushes all of your pride and ego. That moment of surrender is very humbling and grants relief. I have checked into rehab countless times and have been willing to admit I am powerless over drugs but it has been much harder for me to completely surrender ALL areas of my will and life. I was terminally unique. After a few days, weeks, or months, my pride and ego would swell. I would stop listening and start magnifying differences instead of similarities, and take my power back. This inevitably always ended in another miserable relapse. The moment I stop living in gratitude, acceptance, and humility, I start taking back control. I always end up in the same place, completely out of control and powerless. I have to remember my best thinking got me into a lot of horrible situations and ultimately into the rooms of A.A. It’s only when I surrender, take guidance, and live in humility, that I truly regain power and am in recovery from addiction.
Pain is a part of life that everyone must face at some point or other. When we think of pain, we usually think about ourselves, how others treated us bad or how things went wrong in our lives. That is how I looked at pain before I got sober. After getting clean I started thinking about how much pain I’ve caused others. As time went on I eventually gained some tools to use and I started making amends to those I’ve caused pain to, most importantly my family. That was one of the greatest gifts ever having my family all be supportive and coming back into my life. Recovery has really made things in my life so much better, although there is the occasional pain, I now know what to do with myself to get rid of that feeling. Thanks to the program and the place, I call home, South Orange County Detox and Treatment.
It’s been 10 weeks since my boyfriend died of a drug overdose. I’ve stopped counting the days, but the number of weeks that have passed still comes to me naturally. It’s become a mark of my identity. I don’t think there’s anything more painful than the raw despair I felt in the days after he passed. But 2 ½ months after his death, just when I thought I was gaining some control over the situation, there’s been a heavier overlay of sadness than I’ve experienced for a while and it’s a new kind of pain. I’m guessing it’s because the shock is subsiding and the numbness and disbelief are beginning to wear off. My brain is beginning to process my reality. I’m being forced the accept he isn’t coming back. Thing’s feel more real than they did a few weeks ago and my pain has gotten worse. Memories and thoughts of him are immediately followed by the crushing realization that we will never again do whatever it was I was reminiscing- whereas before that was to incomprehensible to absorb. Every day I find myself wondering what he and I would have been doing had things been different. Whatever we would have been doing would certainly look different than my days do now- starting my mornings trying to gather the courage and energy to start another day in my new world without him, fighting through the pain and trying to move forward.
To me, when I think of pain I immediately think of my son. It’s been 8 long years since I’ve seen him and that causes me so much pain. My using and drinking kept me numb to the point to where it didn’t matter if I saw him or not. When inside I knew I wanted to see him so bad, but after using and drinking that want to see him quickly went away. So now not only have I been in pain, but I know he is too. This is something I did not want to do or think I’d ever do when my first and only child was born. To think my son has grown up without his Dad kills me, and it’s also motivated me to want to have a better life and appreciate things clean and sober. Another type of pain I have is living with my parents as an adult, wasting my life away as well as causing them so much pain as well. I’ve not treated them right and when I was using which was all the time I would get angry and take it out on them when they’re not the people that I needed to take it out on because they’re the only reason I’m still alive. They’ve helped me through all my hard times and sicknesses and trying to help me get clean several times, and I have not treated them with the love and respect that they deserve. A pain that I have not felt and don’t ever want to is losing someone for good and not being able to see them again. My sister just lost her husband to the disease of addiction that I currently struggle with and to see the pain she goes through is so horrible and I have not been there for her nearly as much as I want to. I am so grateful for them and South Orange County Detox & Treatment and Salina for helping me because even though I am now feeling this pain I’ve caused for the first time, it is helping me motivate myself to push through the hard times and stay clean so that in the future I can be there for my son and my family.
When I think of pain, the first thing that comes to mind is physically hurting. However, pain can be so much more than what one can see with the naked eye. I don’t know if what I feel now is pain or sadness but either way it hurts knowing I can’t change the past or how others think or react to me. This pain or sadness tends to linger like a nicotine stain on the end of my fingers, needing to be washed and cleansed. We experience the loss of those we love, whether it be a pet, friend, family member, etc., but this is life and that will never change. Having felt pain in all these areas, I have learned and developed necessary tools to cope. I am learning to relieve myself of pain in order to move forward. It is important for me to accept life on life’s terms and not to forget the progress I have made.
I was born and raised in Orange County and grew up in a Christian household. I had been around the church as long as I can remember. At a young age I didn’t understand religion, especially with my parents arguing and fighting all of the time. Being the youngest of three children, I became exposed to the differences in family dynamics between my family and my siblings as we got older. There happened to be a lot of blaming, secrets, and hypocrisy as I later discovered going into high school. I was not a very good student in comparison to my siblings. School was frustrating and difficult for me. My parents didn’t seem to understand, and at the same time, neither did I. I started struggling with school in third grade. I stated rebelling at a young age and began to experiment with drugs and alcohol. By sixteen, I was using “heavy” drugs. I was an athletic kid, but began hanging out with the wrong crowd after making me feel accepted. I have used drugs and alcohol for about ten years. I would steal to get my fix, occasionally overdose to find myself revived, and hurt my family repeatedly all in the process to keep up with my addiction. The vicious cycle of being constantly in and out of treatment, for me, was worse than jail! However, after all, it was treatment that helped conquer my obsession of wanting and needing to use drugs. I found that I benefited most with the help of Salina and South Orange County Detox and Treatment. The intimate setting helps me deal with core issues. They helped me pursue some of my biggest dreams and find lost passion. I have a relationship with my family again, and most of all, gained hope in the process. My progress only continues, and for this I am grateful.
In the past, the only loyalty I would show is to those that would ultimately ruin my life. I was loyal to the people in the room who were holding the drugs or money etc…, not realizing that I was digging my own grave with these actions. I continued to do this for many years and only through a miracle I am still standing here today. I took a lot for me to understand the “true” and “healthy” meaning of loyalty and to be 100% honest, I am still learning more about it. It took me over a year to figure out where my true loyalty belongs, which is with my true self, my family and the ones who have spent the time to sit with me to better my life, without giving up on me. Salina and South Orange County Detox & Treatment (SOCD) will forever have my loyalty. Without them I would literally be dead or on the streets, or even worse if you could believe that. I can say that they have put up with more than any other relationship I can think of and still stayed loyal to me. It’s been a long bumpy road, and sometimes it still is, but I always know that if I have trouble or need a shoulder to lean on they will always be here for me. l will always show that loyalty back to SOCD and to those loved ones who have been loyal to me.