Facing Pain in Early Recovery




To me, when I think of pain I immediately think of my son. It’s been 8 long years since I’ve seen him and that causes me so much pain. My using and drinking kept me numb to the point to where it didn’t matter if I saw him or not. When inside I knew I wanted to see him so bad, but after using and drinking that want to see him quickly went away. So now not only have I been in pain, but I know he is too. This is something I did not want to do or think I’d ever do when my first and only child was born. To think my son has grown up without his Dad kills me, and it’s also motivated me to want to have a better life and appreciate things clean and sober. Another type of pain I have is living with my parents as an adult, wasting my life away as well as causing them so much pain as well. I’ve not treated them right and when I was using which was all the time I would get angry and take it out on them when they’re not the people that I needed to take it out on because they’re the only reason I’m still alive. They’ve helped me through all my hard times and sicknesses and trying to help me get clean several times, and I have not treated them with the love and respect that they deserve. A pain that I have not felt and don’t ever want to is losing someone for good and not being able to see them again. My sister just lost her husband to the disease of addiction that I currently struggle with and to see the pain she goes through is so horrible and I have not been there for her nearly as much as I want to. I am so grateful for them and South Orange County Detox & Treatment and Salina for helping me because even though I am now feeling this pain I’ve caused for the first time, it is helping me motivate myself to push through the hard times and stay clean so that in the future I can be there for my son and my family.