Freedom In Sobriety
There is an immediate freedom that comes with sobriety. When I’m in active addiction, I am a slave to heroin. Every decision I make is based around getting high. My mind, body, & soul all feel completely trapped. In active addiction, I live in constant fear: fear of feeling my emotions, fear of being found out by family, friends, coworkers, fear of being pulled over with drugs in the car, fear of running out money. The list could go on and on. There is no freedom in living in fear. When coming to treatment and getting sober, there is a major loss of control. Its safe to say when I’m using, I’m a prime example of a “self-will run riot.” Being told when to eat, sleep, take meds, who to talk to (or not to talk to) etc. can be a humbling experience. Freedom to me though is willingly giving up that control and letting those who know best, take the reins. In all fairness my best decisions landed me in detox, having lost everything. Freedom is waking up sober and actively making the decision to not use today, no matter what. Freedom means working on my honesty and integrity so I don’t have to be afraid anymore. Freedom means paying my bills on time and being financially responsible, because I’m no longer wasting all of my money on drugs. Freedom means being able to make plans and set goals, and actually follow through with them because I’m not wasting all of my time and energy on staying loaded. Freedom means driving through a DUI checkpoint, with no fear of going to jail. As I grow in my sobriety, I am able to live the kind of life where I am free to be the woman I’ve always wanted to be.