Intimacy

Intimacy in Relationships

intimacy- Authentic Relationships.jpg

True intimacy is important if you want authentic relationships.  I honestly don’t have too many intimate relationships right now but I am working on it. Barriers to intimacy are feelings of jealousy, pride, anger, shame, and fear and lack of trust in others. It’s important to have trust and transparency in relationships.  Being truly intimate with someone means talking boldly and honestly, whether good or bad.  In the past, my pride made it difficult for me to receive constructive feedback without taking offense.  I’m realizing now that constructive criticism from true friends is not meant to hurt me, rather it’s meant to help me grow and improve myself.

Unfortunately, I’ve been a surface person most of my life, never going very deep in my relationships. I used to feel that it was easier to have relationships without intimacy. However, every surface relationship ended shortly after it began, as I became easily bored and disinterested. I know that if I truly become intimate with another person, there’s the huge risk that I could be abandoned and hurt which is terrifying to me. But, in the long run, the potential benefits of a truly intimate relationship far outweigh the risk in that I would gain more long-lasting friendships that help me grow into the authentic man I aspire to be. In order for me to become more intimate, I need to break my habit of superficiality and start being courageous in sharing my true feelings.

Making Amends from the Wreckage of My Past

Intimacy-Recovery Word of the Week  South OC Detox & Treatment-949-584-5927

Intimacy-Recovery Word of the Week

South OC Detox & Treatment-949-584-5927

Intimacy and attachment are one of our greatest desires yet abandonment and rejection our greatest fears. Resentments and insecurities have interfered with many of the relationships I've had throughout you my life. Though I feel like I have had moments of intimacy, most of my relationships have not been truly authentic. I have developed unhealthy patterns to push the ones I love and care for most, away. If we are not intimate with anyone then the only obligation we have is to ourselves. Without intimacy, there is no accountability. Without accountability, an alcoholic or drug addict is doomed to repeat the same destructive behavior. I want to be close to my family and friends and to those who care about me. I do not want my life to be controlled by fear and anger. I am learning to let go of my selfish motives and to place my faith in God. I am learning that my inability to have intimate relationships is often the direct result of my actions. It is important for me to promptly admit when I am in the wrong and to make amends from all the wreckage of my past. I know that in time, I will be able to maintain these close relationships that I have always wanted.


True Intimacy

Intimacy-Recovery Word of the Week  South Orange County Detox & Treatment-949-584-5927

Intimacy-Recovery Word of the Week

South Orange County Detox & Treatment-949-584-5927

I never really allowed myself to be close with that many people.  It seemed I was only really intimate with those who accepted my beliefs, behaviors, actions, I guess just my life-style.  I went with the wrong crowd and I was comfortable with that.  It’s a very real feeling of intimacy even though that feeling was based off drugs.  Although, time will tell when dealing with other addicts that I called friends, that their intimacy roots only with the drugs before anything or anyone else.  I’ve known the false reality for years and with some time clean I can say it has kept me from knowing what true intimacy could feel like.  Now I’ve allowed myself to be close to those who genuinely care about my wellbeing.  They are supportive, caring, truthful people I call my friends and family.  I’ve become close with them and in return they’ve helped transform me into the person I am today, and I only hope to give back whats been given to me.

Intimacy; Difficult to Live With and Impossible to Live Without

Intimacy-Recovery Word of the Week  South Orange County Detox & Treatment-949-584-5927

Intimacy-Recovery Word of the Week

South Orange County Detox & Treatment-949-584-5927

Intimacy is a four syllable word for 'take my heart and my soul, please don’t grind them into hamburger meat.' Intimacy is both feared and desired, difficult to live with and impossible to live without. It’s a skill we cultivate starting with our relationship with ourselves and expands out to those we love.

I believe that intimacy is about sharing our depths — our vulnerability, needs, and dreams. But as an addict accustomed to a life of isolation, secrecy, and distancing myself from others, learning how to rebuild intimate relationships with those around me has been difficult and uncomfortable. Something I’ve come to realize at South Orange County Detox & Treatment is that I can choose to live a shallow life or a life of depth. In a shallow life I avoid intimacy – I don’t share my needs, listen to my desires, or learn from my experiences. I stay on the surface, just trying to get by without being hurt or uncomfortable. But when I’m willing to dive into my fears, go beneath the familiar, and challenge myself, I discover we are all complicated, unique, and fragile ecosystems. 

Humans crave intimacy. We crave closeness and rapport with the people closest to us. But intimacy is also scary and raw. So while our souls yearn for intimate connection with others, we are often fearful of intimacy – terrified of being vulnerable, armored against the pain of rejection, and fixated on not getting hurt. No wonder we often stay on the surface of the ocean in our little safety boats well padded with our life vests of protection.

We’re all so incredibly simple: we want to be loved. We want to receive love. And we want to be seen. Essentially, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care is usually a lie. We pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt each other. The people that are still with you at the end of the day are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.