My false-self has lived the majority of my 28 years on earth. It first began as a child trying to fit in into grade school. As a child, I felt like I was never accepted as my true-self therefore I learned to change myself in my effort to fit in. By the time I got to high school I had already had surrounded by myself with the wrong friends, as I masked myself to fit in. All the years of trying to be someone I’m not, left me at a loss for knowing who I truly was. Furthermore, I used drugs to numb myself and the reality of what my life had become. As the years went by my false- self really took control of my life. I thought that if I hung out with the “wrong crowd” then people would fear me or just avoid me all-together and I could stay hidden. This left me feeling lonely, and reinforced my drug-use. I thought that the more drugs I used, the less the loneliness would overtake me.
There were countless times that I tried to get sober but I refused to get rid of my false-self and my masks. Due to my unwillingness, I always relapsed shortly after I got sober. It wasn’t until 2 years ago that I finally surrendered to the process of recovery as I couldn’t go on living that way anymore. Although it was hard, I began the process of self-discovery and true recovery at South Orange County Detox & Treatment. I’ve been clean and sober ever since and I became reunited with my true-self again. I’m no longer a wasted junkie… I’m loving, caring, hardworking, smart and a good human being and nobody can change that.