My feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem began at an early stage in my life. Being the middle sibling, I naturally had always looked up to my older brother. My insecurities began to develop when I felt that he was being favored. It created an internal conflict of placing my brother on a pedestal and idealizing him from love, to devaluing him out of jealousy. From a young age, I had difficulty in believing in myself and my capabilities. Drugs and alcohol provided a false sense of security for myself. Once I began using and drinking, the guilt and shame only intensified my feelings of insecurity. I remember when I was younger, I would attend anti-drug seminars and never believed I would choose such a destructive path to go down. Now in recovery, I still find myself quite insecure at times. Codependency has always been a struggle of mine as I am always trying to please everyone around me. My learning disabilities makes it difficult for me to feel good enough or worthy. I am learning to realize that these negative thoughts of self-doubt do not define me as a person. When I feel these thoughts creeping in, I become aware and take contrary action to those thoughts. In doing so, I am beginning to find strength and confidence in myself and am slowly understanding what it truly means to believe in myself.