Rollercoaster of Emotions

emotions rollercoaster .jpg

Emotions: The thing I used to stuff as far down as I could, run from. The thing I associated with weakness and something easily targeted. Getting sober is almost indescribable to imagine all the emotions or as I used to label them “bad feelings” that begin to bubble up and immerse me. It’s almost suffocating, and extremely terrifying and uncomfortable. As I was writing this it occurred to me that yes, this is what I’ve been running from all this time and it’s also what I’ve been so deeply craving. Every time I take that drink or drug the overwhelming “good emotion” it brings me maybe for even a brief time. The thing about taking drugs and alcohol out of the picture is you no longer only experience that “good emotion” you are suddenly sent on a roller coaster of the whole spectrum of emotion, good and new. What I’ve realized is in order to truly feel one emotion, you must eventually feel them all-sometimes all in one day and sometimes over time. I’ve learned now feeling these things so deeply is a gift not a curse.