Authenticity to me means to be my true self. When I was doing drugs and drinking, I wasn’t the person I once was or who I was raised to be. I was a master at manipulation and didn’t reveal to others my true thoughts or feelings because I didn’t want others to use it against me or to hurt me. Since getting sober, Ive been working on the character defect of people pleasing which I have been really struggling with. When I am using, I am selfish and not worried about how my actions affect others. I don’t care about my family’s thoughts or feelings even though they are the only ones who care about me when I am in the act of addiction. Being selfish is not my authentic self, but neither is the other extreme of being too codependent with my peers. It is often difficult for me to be authentic because it is hard for me to show that I am vulnerable. I often hold my feelings of sadness inside as I do not want to feel like I am being judged as weak. However, I know that being vulnerable only shows strength. I also have the tendency to change the things that I say based on whoever it is I am talking to. It is important for me to be reminded of my defects so that I am aware and am able to take the appropriate actions necessary to change my behaviors. My behaviors are still a work in progress, but I am working on being real, showing my true emotions as they are in the moment and not going from one extreme to the other.