Motivation is not something that comes easy to me. It’s difficult to be motivated to do anything because I never learned or developed how to have value in myself. I didn’t believe that I deserved to have good things in life.
In addiction my only motivation and end goal was related to drugs and avoiding withdrawal. Within those motivations, I manipulated and hurt the people around me. I eventually came to notice my selfishness, my life in ruins, and the affect I was having on my daughter. Being in sobriety, my motivations are for myself to be content in my life and in my own head, so that in return, I can give my daughter the mother and the life that she deserves.
I’m motivated to be content with my life because I’ve always been unhappy and I’ve always searched for outside influences to validate me. But now I am ready to find love within myself. I’m motivated to have a sense of calmness and understanding in my head because I am so used to over-thinking and self-sabotaging, which always leads me back to numbing my emotions and over-active brain with substances. But I am now ready to create new patterns for myself.
I’m also, most importantly, motivated to see my daughter smiling and laughing. To be happy in life and to be able to have her look up to me and believe that I truly love and understand her. I want to teach her to have value and love for herself. To be okay with who she is and feel accepted, so that she has the chance to have motivation to give herself everything she deserves in life.