Willingness- A Staff's Perspective- Derek

WILLINGNESS

Whether its learning to ride a bike or starting up a company, any form of success in life starts with one thing, the willingness to begin.  That whisper in your mind that is telling you something needs to change is the settle voice telling you to just begin. Most of us have heard this small voice before but have chose to ignore it thus putting our dreams, aspirations and goals on pause for another period of time.

As someone in recovery, this whispering voice was heard numerous amounts of time in my addiction. I wanted help but was afraid. I was afraid to face the truth of what I had became, afraid to face the amount of pain that was inside of me. There were so many times I could think of, during my addiction, that I accepted that I was going to live the rest of my life like this. I felt like a nobody and I felt like I had no one.  The drugs had become my only connection with anything, a connection of slow suicide. Who and what have I become? This is not me. If I wanted to ease my pain, I knew I had to do something different than what I was doing I could no longer do this on my own, I mustered up all of the willingness I had left and picked up that thousand pound phone and reached out for help. Entering a facility where there were staff that truly cared for me and wanted the best for me felt very foreign to me but it made me feel like I mattered. I was reminded that people believed in me, and that I didn’t need to be good at sobriety, I just needed to be willing to do whatever it takes. Before I chose to enter recovery, I never thought that I would have any success at sobriety. I just knew that I was willing to do what it took not to live in the darkness I was in. Today I write this with a year and a half of continuous sobriety from drugs and alcohol. I am truly blessed and filled with gratitude to have the life that I get to live today. I look back on my journey and everything I have now I owe to even the small amount of willingness I had to just begin. I am someone today and have many people who care for me and see me for who I am, not for who I was. All I had to do was just begin.