Awakening is a very fitting word for a disease such as alcoholism. Alcohol dulls the senses, and for me, my heart and soul. What I have learned here at South Orange County Detox and Treatment is that it is ok and even encouraged to awake to who I really am. What everyone, and especially Salina, has done for me is to help me awaken to my true self. By encouraging me to dig deep to be completely honest without judgement is such a gift that is given here at SOCD freely. Here they encourage me to awaken to not only physical sobriety, but more importantly, emotional sobriety. I feel that I now have the tools to awaken the true self; mother, daughter and friend. The true self is awake and sober!
For so long I’ve moseyed throughout life as if I was relying on a defective antennae unit, like an airplane whose communication system was down and couldn’t receive direction from the air traffic controller. I needed an engineer to fix my systems, and in my case, Salina and SOCD aided in inspecting and rebuilding the broken and malfunctioning parts of my “system” so that my antennae could receive direction from my air traffic controller who I call my higher power. Upon this rebuilding of my faulty mechanics I’ve been able to experience what I think is a spiritual awakening. It’s almost hard to put into words the effect this has had on me and my recovery. It’s as if my “on” switch has been flipped and I’m able to hear and understand what direction I’m supposed to take; like I’ve been constantly developing maps where I can see the next couple steps and I have faith that these directions are correct and I will continue receiving steps throughout the rest of my life. Thank god for engineers… mechanical, electrical, psychological, or spiritual
In recovery, this time around, my awakening started by noticing the little parts of life that I enjoy and realized that under the influence of drugs and alcohol, I can't enjoy these simple pleasures. With this awareness, I see the bigger picture of what life has to offer me. I’m starting to realize that taking life for granted has been a huge mistake of mine; I don’t know what I have until it's gone. Using this awakening as fuel to attack addiction, keeps me in the right state of mind necessary to keep pushing forward and progressing in my recovery.
When I think about awakening, I think about the day I woke up from the nightmare that I called a life. It was a moment of serenity, and a weird, unexplainable feeling came over me. I then realized I was living a life of a lie, a false self, throwing away all responsibility. On this day, I decided I had enough and prayed to my Higher Power for something to change. I had to go through hell to get to heaven, experience countless negative consequences to get to where I am at today. Today, I have a relationship with my Higher Power, I look at life from a completely different perception. Looking at the ocean, the mountains, and the stars, I smile, because my true soul has been awakened, and I now have the chance to live the amazing life I was put on this earth to have. Let there be hope, let there be light, let there be awakening tonight...Let there be joy, and let it all go.