Its not easy making any kind of commitment in life, at least for me. I think it stems from my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. I came from an abusive family that made it almost impossible for me to commit to trusting anyone. During my teenage years, I started to use drugs and alcohol and hang out with dangerous people and those are the people I got used to being around. When positive people would present themselves in my life I would not commit myself to starting a relationship with them. Finally, in my early 20’s, I got into a relationship that ended very badly and that made it difficult to believe that I could love anyone. I see now that all of this lack of commitment to anything was only hurting myself. People would often try and offer help but I would turn the other direction. I thought, wrongly, that the only people I could trust were addicts and unhealthy people because they shared the same interests as me, which was doing drug and not caring about anyone or anything, including myself.
This time around I have made a commitment to myself and that commitment is to fix my life. After I made that commitment, Salina, SOCD, and my Father all came along so I was supported while I work to achieve my goal. I finally got myself to SOCD where I feel more at home than any other place in this world. I let my walls down and let people in and allowed them to help me. Trust and security finally came to me! In recovery, I’ve learned that commitments need to be made in order to gain serenity. I realized that I needed to commit myself to working the steps and getting sponsor. Sometimes life gets tough but I cant and won’t let that stop me. Remember, if you are following through with a commitment to better yourself, you must stick with it, even through the most difficult of times.