There were many areas in my life I didn’t want to accept and places that I thought were working against me, only fueling my disease. In reality, nobody accepted my actions or behaviors due to my short temper with trying to find a solution to balance. I thought I could manage my using and drinking but I could not. For a long time I believed that I could but that happened to not be the case. I know deep inside I couldn’t control but couldn’t find the courage to admit it to anybody. I played the denial card every time. It was not until after many attempts of treatment and relapses that I finally grew tired of the insanity cycle I became stuck in. I was hopeless and my body was tired. I let my physical state dictate my actions. This was a moment of mental exhaustion that brought me to surrender. I’ve come a long way from that point of view, but it began with surrendering and being willing. It is never easy nor fun, especially when old ways of thinking and coping begin to creep up. I find this to happen most when I start feeling discouraged and life seems to feel impossible. I have learned to not let these thoughts discourage my progress. Life was unmanageable when I was using. Accepting these facts through experience only made it more clear to me that acceptance is the key to many open doors in my life.