I consider myself to be a natural artist and creative person, however I struggle with perfecting my vision with no rough drafts, where my artwork tends to be created as a final draft rather than as a creative process. This perfectionism hinders my ability to move forward with my art because it blocks me from a connection with myself; my talent and creativity. I’m often frustrated that I spend so much time listening to the voices in my head of self-doubt, criticism, perfectionism, and anger, which stops the artistic process and flow of my creativity. This leaves me never satisfied with my efforts and resentful of myself for never thinking I’m good enough. In the past, this vicious cycle has often led me to my use heroin as a temporary solution to my insanity, anxiety and self-doubt. The pain of not living in creativity, is not the type of life that will keep me satisfied and sober however using heroin has almost led me to death multiple times, therefore it is no longer an option for me.
“The Artist Way”, has led me to an understanding that connection with myself and my higher power is the solution to my creative dilemma. This solution will only take place if I listen to my true self, without judgement; connecting to my creativity even before I start a piece of art. I need to have patience with myself and my healing, in an effort to open my mind to a deeper level of artistic expression . For today, I’m working on listening and connecting to my creative voice, trying to not worry about where I think I “Should Be”, but more on “Connecting” with myself on the process of getting there.