While in my active addiction I relied solely on my current circumstances. I was a young kid who was addicted to drugs and alcohol who had no education that exceeded high school, worked multiple unimportant jobs to me, lost all my hope in my dreams and thought that I would live as addicted for the rest of my life. I struggled with the constant conflict of myself living in my past but also trying to live in my future. My past allowed me to keep justifying my using, and with this came the sight of my future perceived as failure and disappointment, which also kept me stuck in my addiction. Despite this way of thinking, it was inside my true self where I kept a small amount of faith in myself and that I deserved and could be better. I did the best thing I could have ever done for myself which was sought out treatment and where I am today in my life started out with a motivating vision of where I wanted to be and how I was going to get there.
It was during my treatment where I found my imagination again. I started thinking again like I once did before my addiction. When I was little, I used to imagine myself with endless possibilities for my life. I would imagine that I can do anything I wanted to do, just if I was willing to put the work in. This is the same type of thinking I gained back after entering treatment. The first step that I took was using my imagination to see something I was, even when I wasn’t. I had always seen people taking year sobriety chips and never thought I would make it to that level of sobriety… but not this time. This time it was different. I developed a vision of myself achieving one year of sobriety even when I only had a few months of sobriety. I reminded myself that where I was at was only temporary. As long as I put in the work that was needed and lived in my vision each day, my vision would eventually become my reality. Although before anyone else believed in me, I needed to believe in myself.
I achieved that one year of sobriety and am about to take my second sobriety birthday. I couldn’t have achieved any of this along with the other countless gifts that I have received during my sobriety, without having that vision of where I wanted to be and how I was going to get there. I used to rely on sight of where I was going to pick up, who I was going to get it from and where I was going to use it; but now I rely on vision of where I want to be, who I want to be and how I’m going to get there.