“For Resentment is not only blind, but Blinding”
Resentments are the key offender in relapse by most of us who suffer from substance abuse. They are the strongest hook’s that anchors us to our addiction. The more I perceive that I have been treated wrongly, unfairly, and unjust, the more I drift toward using to cope with this pain I have manifested through my perception.
Personally, I never wanted to see my part in anything. Why was this? Simple, because it was easier for me to blame and point the finger at everyone else for my circumstances and use them as my justifiable reason to use than to see my faults, my part in things. “Poor me”, “See what you did to me”, “Why does this always happen to me”. All these quotes became my ammo in an arsenal of justification, which allowed me to keep shooting myself while I thought I was aiming for you. There’s a saying in the rooms that goes, “Resentments are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. This quote explains my analogy to a tee. I built up all these resentments about how so many people have wronged me and how I was always dealt a bad hand in life, but the only one who was slowly dying was myself
I had run dry. I had to wave the white flag and surrender. I was tired of fighting the war between me, myself and I. I needed to change my perception of injustice toward everyone around me, start looking inside myself and work toward seeing the one thing that could change everything, yes, my part. I learned to stop looking at my resentments to see what people had done to me, but to look at my resentments and see what those resentments did to me. If I really wanted to stop using, I had to throw out any resentments that got in the way of God’s Will for me. the instant I see what those resentments are doing to me, I’m just about willing to do anything to get rid of them rather than let them get me high. Through the process of working a thorough 4th step and continuing to take a personal inventory, I’ve been able to realize that resentments and problems will continue to arise for me, until I am able to see my part in things and Forgive.